


Don't Dream It (Be It)

by lily_superlock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Another one of my angsty ficlets, I know I love a bit of pain, M/M, i hope you do too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-05-01 01:22:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5186834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lily_superlock/pseuds/lily_superlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just another Djinn Dream SU, ft. Cas not being able to deal with his emotions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Dream It (Be It)

Sam didn’t like it one bit, but he’d promised Cas. It was the only way he’d gotten Cas to fight the Djinn dream at all, by agreeing to this.

“You can not tell Dean,” Cas had demanded and Sam had complied if only to save his friend.

Cas had been so reluctant to fight and it seems now Sam had gotten him back to the bunker, he hadn’t saved him at all. Cas just appeared to be getting worse and worse. He hid in his room in the bunker, he drunk all of the whiskey out of the cupboard (much to Dean’s annoyance), he wouldn’t speak to Dean and every time Sam went to check on him Cas would just ask him to leave. 

What was he supposed to say to Dean when he’d cornered him in the study?

“What the fuck happened, Sam?!” Dean said. “You can’t keep me in the dark on this. There’s obviously something wrong. Jesus, Sam, you’ve got to let me help, I swear to shit if he does something stupid because you are a stubborn ass hole then I’ll kill you.”

But Sam kept his promise because it was the only thing Cas asked for but Dean was right. This was getting out of control.

 

Sam went to Castiel when Dean was sleeping on the couch. He knocked on the door but didn’t wait for a reply. Cas didn’t normally reply anymore.

He was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, that blank look on his face.

“Cas, can I talk to you?”

“You already are, Sam.”

“Right. Look, I know you’re hurting but something has got to change. I’m worried about you,” Sam said and the cautiously added, “Dean’s worried about you.”

Cas’ brow twitched but he didn’t respond. So Sam continued, “if you carry on like this, I’m going to have to tell him. He won’t let this go. He won’t just let you hide in here and avoid him forever.” 

Cas sighed and rolled over to look at Sam. He’d been crying. Since when did angels cry?

“You’re right, Sam.” 

And that was it. After that night, Cas came out of his room, he spoke to Dean, granted it was in the small stunted way he used to but it was something. He even helped Sam research for cases. It all seemed a bit too good to be true to Sam, Cas just snapping out of it like that.

Turns out Sam was right, it was too good to be true. Sometimes Sam hated being right.

 

It was three days later and Sam and Dean were eating breakfast. It was about 10am and nothing seemed out of the ordinary (Cas normally stayed in his room until they were done, “I don’t eat” he’d said bluntly to Sam when he’d asked him to join them).

That was until the room thundered a little and the papers all threw up into the air like they were suddenly in a wind tunnel. Out of thin air, two figures appeared. Sam blinked a few times and no, his eyes weren’t deceiving him, it was Gabriel. And oh shit, Cas, who was keeling over, blood stricken face and holding his side.

“What the hell?” Dean barked, standing up and almost knocking his plate onto the floor. 

“Gabriel?” Sam said as Dean said, “Cas?” 

Dean went over to check on him but Cas waved him away, with difficulty though. Gabriel sighed dramatically and healed Cas with one hand. 

“I’ll deal with you later,” he said not looking at Cas but staring down Dean with a vengeance. He clicked his fingers and Cas disappeared. 

“Hey what you do to him?” 

“Relax, heart breaker, I sent him to bed.” 

“What?” Dean demanded.

“Gabriel, aren’t you meant to be dead?” Sam asked, both of them ignoring Dean. 

“Really I could ask you the same question, couldn’t I?”

Sam shrugged. He supposed so, yeah.

“Look, as much as I love taking a break from sleeping with the beautiful people of Hawaii and drinking cocktails on the beach, I prefer not to have to save my baby brother from letting a bunch of angry angels smite him so I will ask you to keep a closer eye on him in the future.” 

Dean just stood there trying to piece things together.

“What happened?” Sam asked quietly.

“What do you think happened? He jumped in a car and put a brick on the accelerator in front of bridge.”

“Gabriel.” Sam growled. 

“He popped out to call upon all angels around to see if any of them fancied smiting him and scattering his remains all across the universe.”

“Fuck,” Sam whispered. Looks like Cas wasn’t doing so well. Maybe just buying his time before he pulled the plug. 

“He tried to kill himself?” Dean looked horrified. “Why the fuck would he do that?”

“You’re really asking that question?” Gabriel asked but it wasn’t malicious, it was tired.

“Gabe, he doesn’t know,” Sam explained. 

Gabriel just smiled to himself. “Of course he doesn’t.”

“I don’t know what? I swear to God if someone doesn’t tell me what the hell is going on right now I’ll- I’ll…” But Dean never got to finish his threat because Gabriel was tapping him on the side of his head with two fingers.  

 

Sam knew what Gabriel was showing him. He’d seen it all himself.

The world the Djinn had made for Cas, the 36 years of Dean and his relationship. Their first date, their marriage, their honeymoon in Iceland, their tiny apartment in Kansas that Dean hated and then their first house; their love story.

Sam had been the one to enter Cas’ Djinn dream, Dean had demanded it be him but after the Djinn knocked him for six, it was up to Sam. Sam hadn’t been sure what to expect but spending hours there, looking through their wedding album and having a beer in the sweet domesticity of their world wasn’t it. His brother had smiled at him, the most genuine smile he’d ever seen, his brother had been happy but it wasn’t really his brother was it.

He could see why Cas didn’t want to leave. He’d had to beg him. He’d had to guilt trip him.

“You’ll die, Cas,” he’d said.

“I don’t care.”

“Dean will care, if you truly love him then you wouldn’t do that to him, would you?” 

Cas had just stared at him for a long time. Eventually he’d agreed to fight the Djinn if Sam didn’t tell Dean what his dream had been. But as they were leaving, Cas kissed Dean good bye, all stoic and hard eyed and said, “I don’t think the real Dean would care much anyway.” And Sam had pretended not to hear because he knew from the conviction in his voice that he couldn’t convince Cas otherwise.

Dean was swaying a little, eyes cloudy, obviously trying to process what he’d just been shown. 

Gabriel took his hand away. 

“Don’t act like you’re surprised,” Gabe said coolly and then he disappeared just as abruptly as he’d entered. 

Dean’s hand had tightened so hard on the side of the table, his knuckles whitened. 

“You should have told me,” he said but it was gentle.

“He asked me not to.” 

Dean swallowed.

“How do I fix this, Sam?” 

“I don’t know, Dean,” Sam admitted. “I’m going to go and check on him.” He omitted the part where it was to check he wasn’t trying to fling himself into oblivion again. He left Dean staring idly into nothing, the frown growing harder and harder on his face. He would deal with him in a minute.

 

Cas was in bed again but his eyes were closed this time. Sam wondered if he was asleep, but angels don’t sleep, right?

“I know you’re there, Sam,” Cas said pulling Sam out of his thoughts.

“Cas, you could have told me how bad it was getting.” 

“Did Gabriel tell him?” Cas said ignoring the comment.

“Yes.” 

“I guess that’s my fault. I didn’t realise there would be an angel listening who wouldn’t want to me eradicated.” 

Sam sighed. “There’s more people that love you than you realise, huh?” 

Cas said nothing.

 

They sat in silence for a moment but it didn’t last. Dean suddenly came storming into the room, his expression of gentle sadness replaced with anger. Oh no.

“You tried to kill yourself?!” He shouted and Cas just stared at him. “You tried to kill yourself after everything we’ve been through? You think it’s okay to just give up over a broken heart?”

Sam winced.

“You don’t understand, Dean.”

“I don’t understand?” He roared, “I don’t understand?! So you had a dream that we were together and it got taken away from you? Well, guess what, I have a dream every night that we’re together and every fucking morning I wake up and realise that none of it is real. But I keep pushing on because at least you’re here, at least you’re safe, even when you’re ignoring me and I think you hate me, at least you’re safe. And then you try to take that away from me and I ask myself, why the hell do I even try, you son of a bitch.”

Cas looked like a deer caught in the headlights and they both just stared at one another. 

“You never said anything,” Cas said quietly.

“Neither did you.”

Sam could sense when he was no longer welcome in a room and made a quick exit. 

“I’ll leave you guys to talk it out,” he said but it didn’t seem like either one of them was listening to him. 

As he was walking out, he heard Dean say, “jesus, Cas, I fucking love you, never do that again.”

“Finally,” Sam muttered to himself, smiling, “stupid emotionally stunted bastards.”


End file.
